the struggle is part of the story

1:08 PM

Some experiences in life never need to be forgotten, you may not realize it at the time, but they are valuable memories. Here is my attempt to record one of the most difficult and rewarding experiences in my life. It goes by the name of infertility. In our case unexplained infertility... or in other words, when standard infertility testing shows no cause for failure to become pregnant.

August 13th, 2011 we were married. Just a few short months later we decided if we planned to have a big family we had better get started. I come from a family of five, and Cheston comes from a family of SEVEN. Between many conversations we had settled on being satisfied with anywhere from 4-6 kids, but knew we would accept as many (or as few in our case, as unaware as we were... and probably still are)  as the Lord would bless us with.  Despite our greatest efforts we didn't get that family we longed for right away, in fact it would not be until 4 years later that the Lord's plan would come full circle and we would finally become parents.

But before that joyful day we endured frustration, our faith was tested, our hearts were softened, our strength was tested, we experienced heartbreak, anger, loss and most of all we learned to lean on each  other and the Lord. You see, I am not an open book. I come from a private family, and I suffered in silence not wanting anyone to know the sadness that I was experiencing. And if I could go back, maybe I would do it differently, but maybe I wouldn't. Deep in my heart through every experience, I had faith and I knew the Lord had promised me motherhood and He would keep his end of the deal.

I can't say I handled every frustration and doubt with such grace and faith. Thankfully I married Cheston, he is the level-headed one, and ALWAYS reminded me in my less than perfect moments that I had a Heavenly Father who loved me and that would keep His promise to me.  One day I would be able to understand the why of my wait.

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